Should you go back to someone who left you?

By | Dating, Love and Relationships, Marriage, Self-Love

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I received a question from a young lady who was left by the father of her children. She wanted to know if she should go back to him and try to work it out once she’s done working on herself.

I couldn’t imagine the pain you may be going through raising kids alone. I know it’s not easy and many days you probably feel lost and lonely. Sure, millions have found a way to be a single parent just fine, but that’s not the case for everyone.

I can’t tell anyone what to do with their life but I do want to speak from a man’s perspective on what’s going through a man’s mind when he leaves…

1. Love doesn’t leave:

You have to understand that when a relationship is filled with real love, leaving isn’t an option. Real love stands, fights and gets stronger. When a person has to leave to protect themselves it’s because there’s not enough love in the relationship. In that case love isn’t leaving, self love is just standing up for itself. So if a person leaves you it’s for a reason that is valid in their mind and you may never understand it.

2. When a man leaves, he’s done:

Men are not like women, at all. Men are very straight forward in their decisions. When a man leaves you, he’s done with you. He has weighed his options and the consequences and when he leaves, he’s sure. Sure, there are exceptions to every rule but most of the time this is how it is. If he leaves and then you chase him, you’re setting yourself up to be hurt.

3. If he leaves you, he’s not yours:

If a man leaves you, he doesn’t want you and you don’t need him. It’s a man’s job to help heal your heart. It’s a man’s job to protect and provide. A real man knows that women are preyed on in this world and he understands that it’s his love that can bring you back to your normal self. A man’s love should be so strong that it erases your feelings for anyone before him. That’s the way the heart works when real love is present. If a man leaves you that means he doesn’t see you as someone worth his efforts to help heal your heart. He doesn’t see you as the one to sweat and toil in the field of love for. He sees other options that seem a little more fitting for him or he just doesn’t feel that he is the one who can help you heal. It’s not always that he’s a weak man or less than a man. Sometimes he’s just not the man for you. It doesn’t make him or you any less of a person.

4. If you chase him, he will run:

It’s human physics. You have to let a man pursue you. If you chase him, you relinquish all your power and you give him an opportunity to play you for the fool. Remember it’s the man who pursues the woman, courts the woman, and then gets on one knee to ask for permission to love you for the rest of your life. It’s that way for a reason. We are made differently and it’s of great importance to know that a man wants you before you let him know you want him.

5. Never hit rewind in life:

Life is meant to be lived moving forward. Never hit rewind. You may hit pause to gather yourself but after that you need to hit play. If you go backwards in life, you’re going the wrong way. Everything happens for a reason. If a man leaves you and he wants you back he will hit fast forward and catch up to you. Don’t go backwards.

Those are just a few reasons on why it may not be a good idea to go back to a man who left you. Please note there are exceptions to all rules but in those cases it will be clear to you that it’s real love. It will sweep you off your feet. It will remove all doubt from your mind. It won’t be a struggle or a fight. It will happen naturally and it will feel right. If it doesn’t remove all doubt and flow smoothly then it’s probably not meant to be!

To the fellas who are the good guys and you left a woman to protect yourself, this doesn’t apply to you so get out of your feelings this very moment. I don’t want to hear your mouth about “what about the good men?” We know you are out there but this isn’t about you. Yes, I understand that sometimes men leave a woman for reasons other than just wanting to be with a different woman. What’s understood doesn’t need to be explained.

I hope this helps those who are going through this.


Tony G.


By | Life, Love and Relationships, Self-Love

Forgiving can be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. But you have to do it. It doesn’t matter how bad it was, forgiveness is necessary. Forgiveness is necessary for you, not them. If you don’t forgive you’ll become the prisoner to your past. They move on and live their life even if they are still hurting people. You have to make up your mind to forgive and then start the healing process. When you hold onto the pain, hate, anger, frustration it drains you and it blocks all of your blessings. Cast your cares on the Lord. Release the pain and start fresh. Don’t even be a prisoner of petty grudges. People do some stupid stuff in life. People can hurt you in a million different ways but you don’t have to remain hurt. You can get up. You can move forward stronger and wiser.

Here are a few ways to to forgive:

Write a letter:

Write a letter from your heart. Then put the letter in a forgiveness box where you put every letter to every person you’re holding a grudge against. Then put the box in a hidden but safe place. If you’re not strong enough to have it in your home then find somewhere you can burn the letter and release the hate in your heart as you watch the letter burn.

Pray daily for strength:

Pray daily for strength. As soon as you pray, believe that you are stronger. Just the words leaving your mouth will give you strength beyond understanding. You have to pray or you’ll remain in the same hole you’ve lived in for too long.

Invest in yourself:

Start going to seminars. Read more books. Start a blog. Start a company. Expand your current business with a new tool or toy that can add a little more joy to your work. Focus on yourself instead of the person who hurt you.

Those are just a few ways you can start the healing process, there are many more! If you need more please sign up for the Real Love University!


Tony A. Gaskins Jr.


Everyone is carrying something…

By | Life, Motivation, Self-Love, Uncategorized

I’ve learned over the years that everyone is carrying something. This isn’t a new revelation because we’ve all heard the sayings telling us not to think the grass is greener on the other side. Unfortunately, we don’t listen. We still find people to look at and believe what they are showing us. We see one side of their life and assume everything is perfect. Truth is, people are great at hiding pain. You look at one person and their love life looks perfect, but what you don’t know is their finances are in very bad shape. You look at another person and their finances seem to be doing very well, but what you don’t know is their relationship is suffering. For some, the money and the relationship may look great but you don’t really know the real situation behind closed doors.

We are all victims of perception. We believe what we see. Knowing that, we show what we want people to believe. No one shows it all or tells it all. If we did that, we would look crazy. The people who are actually 100% transparent are what we call crazy. It’s just not normal to broadcast all of your struggles. It’s also not wise to broadcast all of your struggles. What is wise is to work on them quietly behind closed doors. What is also wise is to not believe everything you see. Stop counting my blessings and start counting yours. I can match you problem-for-problem. The difference is when you decide to focus on the solutions instead of the problems.

Don’t compare yourself:

From this day forward, stop comparing yourself. You’ll never see or hear someone’s full story. There will always be details you don’t have access to and those details tell a whole different story. Just know that they are striving just like you to be a better person.

Don’t expect help:

Yes, help may come but don’t get mad if it doesn’t. Don’t hold a grudge against those who didn’t lend a helping hand. They didn’t lend a hand because their hands are full. Yes, they should have still tried to help but not everyone has a solution for their problems yet. Understand they are struggling just as you are, so keep living your life.

Work on your problems:

Spend less time watching and more time working. If you would direct more of your attention to yourself, life will change drastically for you. There are seasons of work that you must go through if you want the next level. It may sound crazy or like you’re not “living,” but the truth is that you aren’t living if you’re always watching others. Take a season and give the hours you give to television or social media and give it to yourself. It doesn’t mean you have to eliminate it completely, but cut back drastically. Imagine what a focused hour every day could do for your dreams. Pay attention to how much time you’re giving to gossip online, funny videos, and watching the lives of others. If you claim just half of that time and give it to your goals, your life will never be the same.

Trust Me On This

Nothing is as it seems. The behind-the-scenes are very different from what you see. Everyone is battling something. Everyone is trying to get better in areas you don’t know about. No one’s life is actually better than yours. You just have the wrong vantage point. Work on you and let your life be an inspiration to others!


Tony A. Gaskins Jr.

Close The Door

By | Life, Self-Love, Uncategorized

Talking to myself:

It’s the end of the year. As you get ready to exit 2016 and enter 2017 you have to be willing to close the door behind you. Close the door to toxic relationships, intimate and interpersonal. You have to close the door to bad habits of all kinds. You have to close the door to self-limiting beliefs. You have to close the door to fear, hate, jealousy, and every feeling that is hindering your progress.

Don’t allow yourself to be tricked into not making a New Year’s Resolution because it’s cliche. Cliche or not, make the resolution. Take every opportunity to get better and to grow in your life. There’s no reason to stay the same. Growth is optional and it’s available. You must be willing to go to the next level. Trust in your ability to grow. Know that you need to grow. It’s a daily grind. Take it one day at a time. Wake up every morning and reset your mind for growth. Remind yourself of your goals every morning and press through even when you don’t feel like it.

Don’t leave 2016 and go into 2017 the same person. Make up your mind that you’ve already made the change. Don’t let doubt get in the way. Don’t let the negative people slow you down. Go to the next level regardless of who you have to leave behind. If they aren’t willing to grow, let em go!

Close the door to 2016! It’s about to be a new beginning.


Tony A. Gaskins Jr.