If there is no trust, there is no relationship. If you can’t trust the person you’re with, you’re with the wrong person. If you want to be in a relationship you have to find it in your heart to forgive and forget. Forgetting doesn’t mean you don’t remember what happened. It means that you don’t remind the person of what they did, over and over again. Don’t force a person to be a prisoner to their past mistakes. Let it go or let him/her go. It’s not fair to either of you to stay in a relationship stuck in the past. Make a decision and then move forward.
If you’re innocent and you’re being blamed for things that you aren’t doing, you have to put a stop to it. You have the right to protect your peace of mind. You have to sit down and have a serious talk with your partner. You have to express your heart and let them know how much you love them. Let them know why you would never cheat. Let them know that you’d leave before cheating. Let them know that you refuse to be in a relationship where there is no trust. Then find out what’s wrong with them. They’re either cheating, have cheated in their past, saw relationships with cheating, or were cheated on. Whatever it is has to be discussed and solved through a series of conversations. If you can’t do it alone then you must require them to talk with a professional who can put it in the words they need to hear. False accusations cannot be tolerated.
A relationship must have trust to be worth anything at all. If you can’t find the trust then you will lose the relationship.
Tony A. Gaskins Jr.
I’ve said before that love is a job you can’t retire from. Both parties have to show up ready to work every day. You can’t take breaks from loving your spouse. You have to commit to real love, day in and day out. It isn’t easy because we are naturally selfish at times. At times we want to be catered to. We wish they would just see it our way. We wish that they could understand the way we feel and what we’re trying to accomplish in life. But rarely do we sit and think about what they need from us. How they need to be loved. What can we do to make it better for them. What can we do to better understand them. It’s always me, me, me.
It’s not fair to them and it’s not healthy for a relationship. You should give respect and love, and expect it in return. Focus on the good they do for you instead of what they don’t do. If you know their heart is in the right place and they really love you, appreciate it. Communicate with them. Express your heart to them. Plead with them to stop playing the victim and to really hear you out. Make it known that you’re serious and the issues must be worked out. Give your best effort. Lead with love instead of sitting and waiting to be loved. Treat them with the love and attention you want from them. If you’ve expressed your needs and you’ve met theirs, they shouldn’t be too far behind. If your partner won’t make adjustments and some drastic changes for you, it’s not real love. If you talk but they NEVER listen, it’s not real love. If you can’t get them to change no matter what you do, it’s not real love.
If it’s real, you’ll know it. You’ll express yourself and you’ll see immediate changes. Those changes will become habits and even if they backslide you can quickly snap them out of the slump. Real love conquers all. Fight for your love, not physically but emotionally. Give your all and ask for their all in return. It’s worth it and it can work.
Keep working on love as it’s working on you!
Tony A. Gaskins Jr.
I’m getting ready to head out with my family for the day but I had to get my blog up before I go. I believe in balance. You have to balance the job and the dream until the dream becomes the job. Then you have to balance your dream work with your family life so your dream work doesn’t become a nightmare. It’s a fine line but you have to be committed to it. Your family also has to understand the balance you’re trying to provide and protect.
I read a quote that you’ve probably read also and it says “don’t be so busy making a living that you fail to make a life.” That stuck with me. I see a lot of people aging in dog years because they are over worked and lacking balance. I’m doing everything in my power to avoid that trap. Every day you should work on yourself and work on your family dynamic. Don’t starve either area of your life. Don’t be too extreme in either area. Balance is very real. In a full day you can work on your job, work on your dream, work on your body, work on your relationship with God and give time to your loved ones. As a perfect example, I slept in this morning until 9:30am. I then had a business call at 10. Then I had breakfast with my family. Then I read my bible and got dressed for our outing. Now I’m writing my blog before I leave because I’ve committed to writing a blog a day. When I leave I’ll be with my family all day having fun at a convention for the kids. In the course of a day I will have done everything that matters most to me. During the week a workout will be added to the list and some soccer practices, etc. I believe in balance and every day it’s a new challenge, but it’s possible.
Look over your life and see what areas you need to trim so you can create more balance. I promise it will add happiness, health, and wealth to your life.
Balance is everything!
Tony A. Gaskins Jr.
Forgiving can be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. But you have to do it. It doesn’t matter how bad it was, forgiveness is necessary. Forgiveness is necessary for you, not them. If you don’t forgive you’ll become the prisoner to your past. They move on and live their life even if they are still hurting people. You have to make up your mind to forgive and then start the healing process. When you hold onto the pain, hate, anger, frustration it drains you and it blocks all of your blessings. Cast your cares on the Lord. Release the pain and start fresh. Don’t even be a prisoner of petty grudges. People do some stupid stuff in life. People can hurt you in a million different ways but you don’t have to remain hurt. You can get up. You can move forward stronger and wiser.
Here are a few ways to to forgive:
Write a letter:
Write a letter from your heart. Then put the letter in a forgiveness box where you put every letter to every person you’re holding a grudge against. Then put the box in a hidden but safe place. If you’re not strong enough to have it in your home then find somewhere you can burn the letter and release the hate in your heart as you watch the letter burn.
Pray daily for strength:
Pray daily for strength. As soon as you pray, believe that you are stronger. Just the words leaving your mouth will give you strength beyond understanding. You have to pray or you’ll remain in the same hole you’ve lived in for too long.
Invest in yourself:
Start going to seminars. Read more books. Start a blog. Start a company. Expand your current business with a new tool or toy that can add a little more joy to your work. Focus on yourself instead of the person who hurt you.
Those are just a few ways you can start the healing process, there are many more! If you need more please sign up for the Real Love University!